Police Log - Turkey Hunting, Stolen Cycle, Youth And Fire, Deerly Departed

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

6:22am – A fella with a mustache, blue shirt, baseball cap and a Hiawatha complex was spotted shooting at turkeys with a bow and arrow by a resident on Shell Avenue. Calvary, in the form of the police, arrived on scene, but alas, the fearless turkey hunter had already faded into the morning.

6:37am – A distraught owner of an off road motorcycle, red and black with a Yoshimira tail pipe with carbon fiber tip, a white/red/black decal kit and an Oregon off road permit sticker, notified police that said motorcycle had been stolen sometime in the night on Roanoake Drive.

3:56pm – Ah, youth. The curiosity, the willingness to experiment, to investigate the wonders of life. Here’s an example: three boys went into the bathroom at Vicente Martinez High School on F. St., acquired a bunch of paper towels, then went behind the building. What happened next was nothing short of history in the making. We can just imagine the conversation:

“So, dude. What would happen if we, like, set this paper on fire?”

“Whoa. I don’t know. Let’s find out.”

“OMG. It, like, burns.”

Fortunately, the fire also, like, went out before the building or grounds could become engulfed in the pyrotechnic festivities. Their experiment concluded, they ran behind Walgreens and out of retribution’s immediate grasp. But it’s a long summer.

7:13pm – A man in a black jersey was arrested for public drunkenness after he was reported panhandling near the US Bank on Main St. Apparently he was not asking for money in the politest of terms; police describe him as being “aggressive.”

7:45pm – A man at the corner of Green Street and Arlington Way had absolutely nothing to hide – he was described as wearing a black hoody and blue jeans, but unfortunately the blue jeans were not where they should have been; a resident called to report that the man had those jeans pulled down and his private parts exposed. Police responded, but Mr. Pulled-Down Pants was gone by the time they got there.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

10:48am –Wells Fargo Bank on Main Street has its own parking lot for customers. With its location near the courthouse, jail and other high-traffic locales downtown, free nearby parking can beckon like a cruel temptress to a harried driver desperate to get to a court appearance on time. The manager of said Wells Fargo noticed that her parking lot was brimming with cars. At the same time, she noticed that her bank was devoid of customers. Being a bank employee, she did the math and concluded that the police should be brought into the scenario. Citations were issued in the name of justice.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

2:10pm – A woman in blue jeans and a gray shirt was taking a cart through the “downtown” Safeway on Alhambra Avenue, and an employee called police ot say that the woman was known to load up her cart and leave the store, without first going through the important step of paying for the items. The woman was on aile four at the time of the call, but was gone when officers arrived. Whether or not she left with the cart of stuff is unknown at this time.

Friday, June 8, 2012

7:48am – We at Martinez Patch know understand very well how easy it is to accidentally misspell something. However, in the police log, sometimes that can lead to confusion. Case in point, the item about a “deceased dear” lying in the roadway at Berrellesa St. and Alhambra Ave. We’re all dear to someone (well, with a few exceptions), so we hope (in the nicest of ways) that this is an animal reference, though we hate to lose yet another relative of Bambi to a speeding car (though it might be better than being felled by a would-be turkey hunter).

9:05am – Officers of the law were summoned to Martinez Jr. High to question two young men in the 7th grade “who are possibly under the influence of marijuana.” It being the final day of the school year, and them both being 7th graders and all, the question begs itself – how can you tell? On a personal note, Martinez Patch recalls smoking a “joint” in the 7th grade that actually turned out to be nothing more than rolled up turf from the playground. Martinez Patch thought he was really stoned, until the scamps who played the trick informed him what he had been smoking. Is it possible that Jr. High is even more excruciating than high school?

10:10am – A resident of Greenway Dr. noted that a man was taking pictures of her home. When she questioned the man about it, he informed her he was from Farmers Insurance, but could not produce a business card confirming his association with said concern. So she called police, who gave her unspecified advice on what to do in future similar situations.

11:52am – A woman got a call advising her that she had won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. Instead of screaming and jumping up and down, as the script calls for, she phoned the police. Why? The woman never entered the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. She (rightfully) smelled a scam in the works.