Some Thoughts On Being An American

I can’t get used to the “For Sale” sign in front of my house. It’s been there a while now, and I don’t live there any more, so it shouldn’t be an issue. But it is. I really wanted my dreams for that house to come true, and letting go of those dreams is much more difficult than I thought it would be.

Maybe part of the reason is, it’s still my house. Perhaps when someone else moves in, parks their cars in the carport, puts their name on the mailbox, schleps their stuff up the 29 stairs, I can let go of the feeling of ownership. But right now it’s a wound with a very thin bandage.

During the president’s State of the Union address, he made some references to helping homeowners. He’s made those references before. But by now, it’s completely clear that the banks are not going to provide any meaningful assistance to anyone with a mortgage, not on any major scale. Why should they? I signed the loan papers, I entered into an agreement. Good faith would dictate that I hold up my end of the bargain, right?

After all, it’s not the bank’s fault that my loan is close to $500,000, and the actual value of the home is somewhere today around $180,000. Why should that be the bank’s concern? I gambled and lost. The honorable thing to do is stay and keep making payments, as I promised I would.

It’s a weird time to be an American.

A few decades ago, people didn’t generally walk away from their homes. It was considered abhorrent to default on your mortgage absent some unforeseen circumstance, like the death of a spouse. Now, however, it’s a pretty standard solution to a seemingly intractable problem. The average consumer is taking the same path as the corporate lions. If something doesn’t make financial sense, walk away and fight another day.

There’s not a lot of morality in that, if you weigh morality on the same scale as our parents did. But the playing field is decidedly not the same as it was then. The banks did have a very large role to play in the plummeting value of my property. The fact that I became a homeowner, despite the lack of a standard 20 percent down payment, is testimony to the fact that I was invited to play by some pretty fast and loose rules, as were many others. And it wasn’t just Citimortgage, it was the whole financial system.

I moved my bank account out of Chase this summer, and into a credit union. And I’m short-selling my house, but if it doesn’t sell, I’ll just walk away. I have no trust in the system at this point, political or financial.

But I do have faith in the American people. And I realize that sounds like I’m running for office, but it happens to be true. Our systems have been seriously broken before, but people have triumphed regardless. Hard times are never far from our door, but we come through them, and do great things every day. Even if they’re “little” things, by history’s standards, like hugging your kids, smiling at a stranger, putting a buck into the hands of a homeless person, letting someone go ahead of you in line at the store, taking a walk in the winter sunshine, losing yourself in a poem or a song; these are ways in which we overcome the temptation to dampen our spirits, to lose ourselves in despair. Our days are full of these little victories, because we have the willingness to just show up.

I don’t know if this is inherent in the American spirit, or if it’s just part of being a human being. And I don’t really care. I’m grateful to be on these shores, and I’m grateful to be a part of the human race.

I wish we could hold some people accountable for their actions a few years ago, but then I have to take a closer look at my own accountability as well.

I miss my house. But I’m renting a nicer one now, and it was a beautiful day. So ultimately I have to count myself ahead of the game. At least for today.