Mom's Talk - The Pain of Changes

Why do big life transition moments always seem to sneak up on us? I have been around the block a few times so I tell myself I should know better. I should be better prepared.

Just last week I was hit hard – twice. For the past few months, I had known these things were coming. I had been waiting. What I didn’t know was just how hard they were going to hit. And, that they were going to happen the same week.

First and foremost is my daughter Kate’s transition from sweet elementary school girl to mature (or so she thinks) junior high school student. I knew the end of elementary school was near. I was waiting for the magnitude of it to hit me. And, I was pretty impressed that I had made it to May with not a tinge of nostalgia or even dread.

Then, last week, along with my friends Kristen and Beth, I went to the Martinez Junior High School open house. It really is a beautiful school. So impressive, in fact, that it left me speechless. Kristen’s daughter, Camryn, is a sixth-grader, so Kristen showed us and our girls around the campus. The classrooms are big and airy; the teachers seem engaged and willing to talk to the new kids. All in all, Kate will be fine there. She is more than ready to attend junior high.

The problem is me. How in the heck did I become the mother of an older kid? My identity is attached to being the "mom of small children." I identify with that role. I talk the talk, so to speak. I can hang with the best of the best of moms of small children, commiserate about small-children things. Now, I see the “moms of the older kids.” They all seem so good at it. Wait! I am not ready. I blinked and my baby girl went from kindergarten to sixth grade. Before I know it she will be heading off to college.

To add insult to injury, Oprah is ending her show this week. Really, did she have to pick this year? One of the hardest parts of becoming a new mom for me was that I had to plan so much to get out of the house. I was so tired I couldn’t get motivated so I stayed home… a lot. Every day I looked forward to and waited for Oprah to come on. When 4 o’clock came, I knew I had almost made it through another day. For the past 11 years, I have counted on Oprah being there. I know it sounds almost silly. But, she was my one constant as my kids were growing and changing daily.

My colleagues Cherlene and Jaina were so nice to listen every time I said, “Yesterday, Oprah said ….”  Or, “Well, Oprah says …” I am sure they are somewhat relieved that these phrases are at an end.

I had no idea the end of her show was going to upset me so much. Again, I knew it was coming. Last Wednesday as I was watching, it hit me — one week later I would be saying goodbye to Oprah. I started crying. This was about me and my identity. Could I be “me” without Oprah? Well, yes. “Me” might just look a little bit different.

I am in the midst of redefining who I am. I tend to go inward when I am going through something like this. This time it is different, though. This time, the word “aging” is coming into the mix. Right now, it feels a bit depressing. But I know from the past that I will be successful at my task, bringing the best of the “mom of small children” I was and finding new ways to be the more experienced “mom of older kids.”